How to Stay Away from Friends Who Are Bad Influences

Co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW

Last Updated: February 25, 2020 References

It can be difficult to stay away from friends who are a bad influence on you. Take time to notice which friends pressure you, are disrespectful, or try to manipulate you. These friends who are a bad influence are likely stressing you out and not treating you like a true friend should. If you can get help from others, set healthy boundaries, and make priorities for good friendships, you’ll be better able to manage or stay away from friends who try to influence you. Just remember your values and needs, and that sometimes bad friendships have to end.

Part 1 of 3:

Recognizing Bad Friendships

1. 1
   Notice who feels like a bad friend. Notice who makes you uncomfortable, pressures you to do things you or parents don’t agree with, or teases you when you don’t want to do the things they want to do. These types of friends are bad influences, because they don’t respect your opinions and values. Instead, they try to pressure you and make you feel guilty if you don’t agree with them.^[1] Look out for friends who:

   • Boss you around
   • Use drugs
   • Are disrespectful or mean to others
   • Are destructive of property or violent
   • Try to manipulate you
   • Make you feel bad about your eating habits or body
   • Belittle your ideas or opinions
2. 2
   Realize the effects this friend has on you. You’ve probably been noticing for awhile that this friend has a bad influence on you, but maybe you’ve been trying to give them more chances. You probably even defend them to your parents or other friends who object to the way they treat you. Take some time to think about the effect these friends have on you. Ask yourself if you feel: ^[2]

   • Used
   • Drained
   • Stressed out
   • Unsupported
   • Trapped
   • Guilty for things you’ve done with the friend
3. 3
   Ask for help. If you are having trouble saying “no” to or walking away from a friend who’s a bad influence, ask for help from a more trusted friend, your parents, or the school counselor. These people can help support you and make you feel better for the next time you face that friend. Other people can help give you a more objective opinion about if the friendship is a good one or worth saving.^[3]

   • Depending on what your friend has been doing, your parents may want to talk to their parents. They may also want you to spend less time with those friends or spend time with them in safer ways, like at home.^[4]
4. 4
   Talk to your friend. Confronting someone who has upset you or is a bad influence can be hard, but you’ll have to take responsibility and try, otherwise they’ll just keep treating you the same way. By talking to them, you’re showing you care about yourself and them. Keep in mind that they may become angry or not understand. Try to focus on your friend’s behavior you disagree with, rather than criticizing them.^[5]

   • You can say, “I know you’re a good person and I know you’ve been having a hard time since your parents divorced. But I don’t want to be around your smoking and drinking at school. I feel unsafe when you do that and I’m worried about you.”
5. 5
   Set boundaries with your friend. To protect yourself if you still want to be around the friend, you’ll need to set some boundaries so that they know they can’t treat you that way anymore. You’ll have to be direct and clear about what you need from them and what is not okay with you.^[6]

   • Limit the time you spend with that friend
   • Express your feelings and needs honestly
   • Leave situations where your friend offends you or puts you in danger
   • Don’t force them to change, that’s up to them
6. 6
   End the friendship. If your friend continues to drain you, stress you out, or otherwise remain a bad influence on you, end the relationship. You cannot force them to change, but you also have to respect yourself and listen to your needs. Let your friend know that you’re ending the friendship not because of who they are as a person, but because of their actions and how they’ve made you feel.^[7]

   • You can say, “I really care about you, but our friendship isn’t working for me. It doesn’t seem our interests are the same and